The frustrated artist.

It’s been almost 4 to 5 years since I’ve last held a pencil and a sketch book. College destroyed my passion and love for drawing and sketching. Ever since I studied programming, my creativeness started to deteriorate and disappear and it made me feel like it never existed in me AT ALL. I really regret everything in my college academic life. Seriously. Kids, be damn sure about the course you’ll take. It’s like a curse you’ll cast upon yourself forever if you fail to take the course you really really REALLY like.

Last month, I tried to draw again and it just made me cry due to too much depression and disappointment. My drawing skills were shit. It felt like I drew a crap in my canvass, literally. I ended up erasing the whole thing, then destroying the canvass. I was in the peak of sadness. It felt like my ‘talent’ in drawing left me because I no longer have time for him.

I shot bottles and plates that night so just to let my frustration out. The next day, I kept my sketch book and pencils away and decided to quit with this drawing sketching shit. I felt like it wasn’t meant for me.

Fast forward to today. I have no sleep for 2 days now. No. Sleep. For. Two. Days. Straight. No, I’m not committing suicide. And no, I’m not summoning Satan from hell. I worked on a client’s web design and drank a cup of coffee with energy drink on it. The result? I can almost hear my heartbeat. I can feel my blood rushing through my veins. I can hear the sound of dust particles colliding together. I thought I was gonna die but it helped me stay up until 5 in the morning to finish my client’s website. After finishing my job, I decided to sleep but I was damned by the ‘ultimate cup of coffee’ that I drank. My eyes were wide open and I can’t feel any sleepiness or tiredness in my body. I cleaned the entire house, played drums, shot some birds with a pellet gun, threw a rock on my pesky neighbor’s house but I was still energetic enough to not fall asleep. I decided to open my cabinet to clean and throw stuff I no longer use. Then, it happened. The ‘zing’ between me and my hidden sketch pad. I picked it up and started drawing random stuff I don’t even know why I’m drawing.

The result: Sugar skull feat. I don’t know yet. I can’t finish the sketch.


I was pretty happy with the outcome of this since I drew it for like 10 minutes or so and it was really random. My brain flew somewhere I don’t know while drawing this.

I’m planning to enhance this just so I can include this on my portfolio. And, I’m gonna practice on digital art too. I’m really pushing multimedia arts after my degree in Computer Science.


3 thoughts on “The frustrated artist.

  1. That’s an amazing drawing!
    & I know what you mean about feeling like you lost a talent. I used to be a writer, but after taking nearly three years off from blogging and being way too overwhelmed with work to be as creative as I used to be, I feel like I lost it all. To combat that feeling, I finally decided to take at least thirty minutes a day to compose journal entries to help my creative side flow once more.

  2. You are back, Ate Red! :3 Ang ganda kaya ng drawing mo. Kaya mo ‘yan ate. Diba, ang mga bagay na mahal mo, di naman mawawala.. Nababaon lang siguro sa limot, pero di naman nawawala. Mahahanap mo uli yan ate! 😀 ❤

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